...and you were saying something about a beast?

Mostly Filler, Installment #4

1:4 Teacher's Pet

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cryptic guy fork guy

cannibal preying mantis

substitute teacher

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Funniest Moment:

"Every day here is the same." Possibly no one else would vote for this as the funniest moment, but I can so very much relate. I hate the sun. I'll take clouds, or for that matter, the indoors, any day.

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Favorite Character: Xander

Why? Let me answer that with a Xander Quote-a-thon.

"Something like a lobotomy?"

"He's a very attractive man."

"Guess that's what they call a rehearsal."

"Oh, this is fun. We're on monster island."

"Forgiveness is my middle name. Actually it's Lavelle..."

(drugged) "Buffy. I love Buffy."

"You were right. I'm an idiot. God bless you."

Plus, the whole living room scene.

It took him a few episodes to settle into the character, but in this episode Nicholas Brendan really shines.

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Best Dressed: Miss French, aka evil preying mantis demony chick

It's a known fact. You simply cannot go wrong with the LBD.

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Worst Dressed: Buffy

Where do I start with the bad? Shirt too short. Pants too yellow. Both look like Wal-Mart fabric. She does look awfully cute in Angel's leather jacket, though. Aw.

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Musings, in no particular order:

• 
  
  The dress and make-up Buffy wears in Xander's fantasy world cracks me up.


• 
  
  What exactly is a "permanent record?" What goes on it? Where does it end up? Could someone seriously tell me this, because I have no idea, and I'm curious.


• 
  
  I got so excited the first time around that there was going to be a grown-up who thought Buffy was an OK chick. And then with the beheading. Damn it.


• 
  
  I start to feel nauseous when Xander forgets where the science room is. I still occasionally have that recurring dream. (And I haven't been in high school for mmmfffmmm years!) There's no substitute teacher in my dream, though. It's just all about me somehow not remembering where my classes are in a very small school where I go every day. Hmmm.


• 
  
  OK, so insect lady has to label her Tupperware "food," which leads me to wonder what else she keeps in little plastic containers with blue lids. I have to label my food so I don't accidentally pick up my...what? instead. Insect craft supplies? Nuts and bolts? What?


• 
  
  Principal Flutie and his see a counselor speech - priceless.


• 
  
  "Her fashion sense screams predator." "It's the shoulder pads." hehe


• 
  
  "Giles, while we're young." Lots of things to say about this one little line. First of all, how cute is Giles with his passion for the subject matter? I can so relate to that. You love it. You want to share every interesting detail, you're so excited, and yawn, no on else cares. Secondly, it shows how cavalier Buffy still is about him and the slaying. He's past the point of no return, already completely emotionally attached to her, but she's not there yet. This is still a wacky adventure for her (it will end any day now, right?), and he's still a stuffy old eccentric British guy. Nice setup for their relationship.


• 
  
  Two runners up for funniest moments: 1. The gigantic insect says, "Call me Natalie." 2. The wrong side of the tape has Giles dictating nerdy notes. Aw.


• 
  
  Angel shows the first signs of being cute and possibly mattering in the slightest with his sweet smile at the end.


• 
  
  The Superfine song Already Met You, I now know, because I looked it up and read the lyrics, is about meeting the "same" person over and over again. Paraphrase: You're drab, you're dull, you have no passion or soul, you're so very mundane, and you're just like the rest of them. But I'll keep trying, because "I still believe it gets better than this." So on a tangent, I ask this. Why is it that so many people settle for someone who's so not right for them? It just leads to heartache later. Are we that lonely and insecure that we think the right person won't show up? Why don't we say I already met you, and dude, you're not the one?

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Teacher's Pet Icons (shareable for anyone who wants them)

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Teacher's Pet Drabble

Cordy visits the school guidance counselor

Cordelia Chase. She’s the one the wannabe girls follow around. I’ve watched them in the halls, bouncing along behind her, ducklings with shiny hair. I don’t remember that many vacant airheads from my high school days. Kids are getting dumber. Or maybe I’m just getting old. Can’t wait for career day. What college should I go to? College, give me a break. Just get yourself a husband, a pretty house and lifetime supply of diet Coke. Next, please.

Wait. Did she say diet??

“Ah yes, well, Cordelia, thank you for stopping in. I think you’re going to be just fine.”

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Enough with the hyperbole!

Mostly Filler, Installment #3

1:3 The Witch

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mom distracted or

one step past vicarious

teenagers troubled

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Funniest Moment:

Again, an episode not riddled with hilarious. But again, Willow saves the day.

"But why would anyone want to hurt Cordelia?" "Maybe because they met her?"

You said it, girlfriend. Anyone else remember convincing everyone (and yourself) that you really didn't like those girls? That they were pompous and annoying and not too bright anyway? That you were in no way jealous of their looks and their friends and their success? That you would never spend that much time on your hair, what a waste?

Isn't is good to not be a teenager!

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Favorite Character: Joyce

This episode is our real introduction to the mom of the Buff, and she's all right. First of all, she's an artsy type. I'm so glad Buffy has a mom who owns a gallery rather than a mom who's an ad exec or a lawyer or something. That detail lets you know she might end up having some soul. Secondly, she's a totally believable mom. She's wrapped up in her own thing, yes, and plenty insecure about starting over in a new town, but she loves her kid, and she's doing the best she can. This episode makes me anxious to see more of mom and get to know her. Fortunately, we will. Later.

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Best Dressed: Amy

The peace plaid outfit. Tie dye with plaid with a cute little cardigan. All in shades of pink and lavender, which I hate. But she totally pulls off the hippie look. (I tried the same outfit, but sadly, all I managed to pull off was the hippo look.)

Worst Dressed: Cordelia

Why, oh why? Honey, I know you can't see now, but you could still see when you got up this morning, right? I don't care what decade it is or how close you live to the beach. I have never been and will never be in favor of tying one's shirt in a knot in the front.

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Musings, in no particular order:

• 
  
  The best opener so far. "...instead you enslave yourself to this cult." heehee


• 
  
  It pains me to see Willow accompanying Xander and Buffy to cheerleading tryouts, and everywhere else, for that matter. She loves him, and he loves Buffy. I feel your pain, Willow. And then I feel poor Xander's pain when he finally works up the nerve to ask her out and she gets distracted by something more interesting (which in Buffy's world = just about anything). Do we have to prolong this for another episode? Don't you just want the poor schmuck to get officially rejected so we, I mean he, can move on already?


• 
  
  Giles love: 1) If I'm not mistaken, this is the first official getting-knocked-out for Giles. The first of many. He pulls off the slapstick pretty well with the constant getting thrown about and knocked unconscious. 2) He barges right into Amy's house with none of that namby-pamby civilized nonsense, doesn't he? Ah, so there's a little tough guy there. When will we see more of that? I can't wait. 3) And between that and doing his first spell and tucking his jacket under Buffy's head for a pillow, it's pretty clear that the slayer is already more than a job for him. Aw, Giles, you're so faceted. 4) One Giles nitpick: I don't think the real Giles would have shoved the items off the chest so violently to get to the spell book. He would have picked them up and placed them aside. He might have shoved 20 knick-knacks, but there were only two. It's just not his way. 5) "...the thrill of living on a hellmouth...a veritable cornucopia..."


• 
  
  And speaking of the spell book, this show really is all about books, isn't it? We start off with the library and the Vampyr book, and then the key to the case is the witch's book, and soon even the undead will need to do some research. Books are good.


• 
  
  And here you have it - the introduction to the somewhat, uh, completely, inaccurate Buffy version of witchcraft. I tried to get all up in arms with the wicca folks about the misrepresentation and the complete un-relationship the buffywitch (mmm, buffywich...) has with a real witch/wicca practitioner/pagan person, but I had a hard time. I just don't care about religion, wicca included. I think it's all made, so one version is as good as the next as far as I'm concerned. Besides, if you're watching thinking you might spontaneously combust because someone cast a spell on you, well, perhaps you need a reality check. But what if it were my religion being misrepresented, you ask? I don't have one, and that's all I can answer. Sometimes I'm callous and strange.


• 
  
  Xander gets funny. Just like that, he starts being an entertaining character. It's like the first two episodes were a trial run, and once it was established that he might be able to pull off a line, they went to town. "For I am Xander, king of cretins. May all lessers cretins bow before me." "We're right behind you, only further back."


• 
  
  Amy love: I wish we could have seen more of this character, although it looks like we might in comic book land. But it's not the same. "Oh how I hate this, let me count the ways." "I know I'll miss the intellectual thrill of spelling out words with my arms."


• 
  
  Here's my what the hey moment for this episode. I'm having trouble seeing. So I get in the driver's ed car and hit the gas? Wouldn't I crawl slowly and squint? Just sayin'.

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TheWitch Icons (shareable for anyone who wants them)

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The Witch Drabble

Waking up in the wrong body – yikes!
Amy opened her eyes, yawned, and turned to see the clock. 10:30?! Why hadn’t her alarm gone off? Her mom was going to be pissed, and fat chance of getting a ride to school. Wait a minute. That wasn’t her clock. Amy sat up. Wait a minute. This wasn’t her bedroom. She reached to pull her hair away from her clammy neck. Wait a minute. That wasn’t her hair. Or her neck.

She froze, confused and terrified, and then bolted to the bathroom mirror, where her mother’s face looked back at her, horrified.

Oh my god, I’ve been freaky Friday-ed!

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God, I'm so mentally challenged

Mostly Filler, Installment #2

1:2 The Harvest

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jesse turned undead

the first apocalypse threat

buffy saves the day
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Funniest Moment:

"Just hit deliver."

Compared to the first episode, this one was pretty sadly lacking in humor. It was mildly amusing, however, when Willow got a moment of revenge on the in-crowd girls.
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Favorite Character: Willow

She's poignant. She's clever. She doesn't want her precious Xander to go vampire chasing and maybe get hurt. Aw.

"...when I accidentally decrypted the city security system..." heehee brainy
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Best Dressed: Angel

This is before the days when Angel's wardrobe consists of black on black and then maybe some more black. He's suave man here with the plain old white button down and the sleek jacket. Not bad.

Worst Dressed: Xander

(although Cordelia in that ridiculous cut-off sweater at the Bronze runs a close second)

Are those mushrooms?
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Musings, in no particular order

• 
  
  Well, it's a good thing my first Buffy experience consisted of watching the entire second season three times in a row. If I had started at the beginning, I think this episode would have lost me. Weak writing, no real funnies, and not the best acting I've ever seen, either. With the expection of Willow, who was pretty fabulous.


• 
  
  Despite all those things, my main beef with this episode is the whole (albeit fairly teeny) Jesse arc. OK, yes, Jesse is annoying. No need to keep him on the show. But if they've all been friends for the past however many years, shouldn't Willow and Xander be, you know, a little traumatized maybe when he, A, dies, B, gets turned into the evil undead, and C, dies? The episode ends and it's all la di dah, I wonder what adventures we'll have next. I suppose they were trying to set up the whole selective memory problem that the Sunnydale moms, and really everyone else, seem to to have, but it just doesn't ring true for me.


• 
  
  Would Luke - been around for a century or two, toughest vamp on the block - really have been repelled by Buffy's teeny weeny cross? And if he really would, then maybe it's not the size of the cross that matters but some other quality, like what it's made of or who's wearing it or if it's been blessed by the local priest??


• 
  
  So glad Darla was not the vessel. Imagine if we'd been deprived of the upcoming Darla goodness. I mean she's worth watching for the hair alone. And then there's Darla and Dru, and Darla and Angel, and the flashbacks... I mean, nevermind, we're only on episode two.


• 
  
  "They're going to the Bronze." Thus Xander begins his career of being "the one who sees."


• 
  
  "There is no cause for alarm. Actually, there is cause for alarm." Creepy. This reminds me somewhat comically of that scene in The Princess Bride when Fezzik does his dread pirate Roberts impression: "My men are here! I am here! But soon *you* will not be here!"


• 
  
  "They'd only come with guns." In our world, the one with the gun is always the winner. Not so in Buffyworld. There are things older, stronger, and scarier.


• 
  
  "That was a bit...British...wasn't it?" heehee Giles

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The Harvest Icons (shareable for anyone who wants them)

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The Harvest Drabble

Because I think we should have been sadder, here’s my nod to Jesse.

Jesse was the kid people didn’t have tons of patience for. The teachers mostly yelled at him; the students mostly ignored him. He could be overbearing, his jokes tended to flop, and his fashion sense, well… But Xander remembered some good times with Jesse. Like in fourth grade when they almost missed the bus home from the field trip because they were hiding from that museum guard. And more recently, when they’d sat at the coffee shop drawing their own comics – Willow was their spellchecker – Starbabes just wouldn’t be the same without Jesse. Xander was going to miss his friend.
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Aren't you just going oooo?

Welcome to the very first installment of what promises to be a Buffy Blogging Extravaganza like no other. Sure, I know, lots of people have blogged or otherwise published their Buffy episode guides for the enjoyment of readers everywhere. But since there can never, you heard me, NEVER, be too much Buffy, welcome to MY episode guide, Mostly Filler, which will contain a fun combination of musings, quotes, art, drabble, best and worst dressed, and - you guessed it - haiku! Thanks for reading, comments are welcomed and appreciated, and please sign up to your right to get regular updates by email, because I know you'd hate to miss a single episode.

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Mostly Filler, Installment #1
1:1 Welcome to the Hellmouth

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dead guy in locker

no no not again says buff

but she's the chosen

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Funniest Moment:

"What did you do, send away for the Time Life series?"

"Actually, yes."

And this is the moment I fell in love with Giles. Oh Mr. Giles, you are so suave, so nerdy, so fashion challenged, and so British. Rupert, I will love you with all my heart forever. Or, um, until Spike shows up...

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Favorite Character: Cordelia

What?? OK, well, she wouldn't have been my favorite after the first watching, but we're on about number 42 now, and my perspective has changed. Knowing how our Cordy will grow later makes her all the more charming now. And she is the first "love to hate" character to show up. So far we're sympathetic to everyone else. Aw, Joyce, you're starting over and doing your bestest to be a good mom. Aw, Willow, you're an unloved geek. Aw, Xander and Jesse, I remember what it was like to be a social outcast. The Aw list goes on. But Cordelia ain't on it. Plus she's got some really great lines. "Morbid much?" "Way dead." (And the great tradition of Buffy-speak begins!) "I don't mean to interrupt your downward mobility, but I just wanted to tell you that you won't be meeting Coach Foster, the one with the chest hair, due to the extreme dead guy in the locker."

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Best Dressed: The Master

Whoa, holy Hitler outfit, yikes. Plus, it's obviously been sprayed with that stain repellant stuff, as evidenced by the way he rises from the pool of blood without so much as a drip.

Worst Dressed: unnamed "black death" teacher

Ummm...

(BTW, second place here goes to Buffy herself - what is with that honkin' purple ring??)

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Musings, in no particular order

• 
  
  Since when do kids check out textbooks for class from the library? Is this normal?


• 
  
  Joyce, dear, your kid burned down a gym not too long ago. Why is she allowed to go to a club right off the bat? And furthermore, why is there a club with kids and grownups at it? Is this normal? Perhaps it is and I just don't know about it because I lead a sheltered life. Or perhaps it's a California thing?


• 
  
  Why is it that in all TV classrooms the bell rings in the middle of a sentence and class ends? The teachers I had were all a little more organized than that. Just sayin'.


• 
  
  Intro to Willow, and you see right off the bat that she's in love with Xander. Oh, the angst. Just you wait, girl. Better times a-comin'. You don't know it now, but you're going to snag the coolest boyfriend AND the coolest girlfriend.


• 
  
  Principal Flutie, what's with the high-pitched girlie voice?


• 
  
  It floors me how good the writing is right off the bat and how well the personalities are established by what they say. Xander: Very suave, very not pathetic. Cordy: John Tesh? Buffy: The devil. (well duh!) Willow: Aren't you hanging out with Cordelia? Buffy: Can't I do both? Willow: Not legally. Xander: ...building a really little fence. Cordy: I have to call everyone I have ever met right now. Buffy: Can you vague that up for me? Buffy: It's a whole big sucking thing.


• 
  
  I didn't actually know what the Watchtower was, and yikes, now I'm sorry I looked it up. Scary religious people. Ugh.


• 
  
  The Master has slightly pointy ears. Is he part Vulcan? Hmmm.


• 
  
  Foreshadowing - Buffy: It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them...


• 
  
  Angel is so boring at this point he's hardly worth a bullet point. Except to say that he looks soooo young, and he ages a whole bunch in later seasons. But they do a pretty good job of keeping him looking the same age after the first season.


• 
  
  The memory I get from this episode is back in high school, never being able to remember my gym locker combination. Seriously, I never could, and I hated gym so much and was so scared of the gym teachers that it was just a nightmare. I would write it down and then lose it. Gym class=major trauma. God, it's good to be old and have the badness that was high school and college fade more and more each day.

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Welcome to the Hellmouth Icons (shareable for anyone who wants them)

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Welcome to the Hellmouth Drabble (which, by the way, for any non-internet-junkies among you, is a little fiction of exactly 100 words)

Giles’ thoughts after meeting Buffy
Dear Lord, I traveled 7000 bloody miles* for this? She’s obviously not had any proper training. What does she mean retired? Wouldn’t you think with a calling as important as hers she might dress sensibly? And this weather. I have yet to see a raindrop. It’s a wonder everyone here hasn’t gone blind from the incessant brightness. Furthermore, I can’t remember when I last had a decent cup of tea. I should have just let the council send that Wyndham-Price fellow like they wanted to. Ah well, I expect she’ll come around. And at least no students visit the library.

*Here's a funny: Go to Google maps and type in "los angeles california to london England" – read number 30.

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